I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
