Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
