Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
