You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
