Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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