bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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