so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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