We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
