I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
