Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
