i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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