It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
