I accidentally burped into my bong.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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