I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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