an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
