i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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