she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize