Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
