I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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