dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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