have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
