So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
