Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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