He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
