Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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