Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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