Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
