she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
ttyl tear gas
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
