I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Randomize
