why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
