i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Houston, we have a squirter
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
