This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
