I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
We are all done wearing pants today
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
