Welp...herpes.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
