Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Couch. On fire.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
