my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
