He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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