Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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