What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
