so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
