I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
