that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
