I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
