Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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