Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
