you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
