Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
