I wish I could teleport
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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