Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
