I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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