i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
